TOP 30 AMUSING QUOTES
Intro
Herewith are the most laughable, sidesplittingly amusing quotes to make the person happy. Share these with the precious people to brighten their day and show them a smile! A smile is always infectious and so do our TOP 30 AMUSING QUOTES. You can make someone really happy with these quotes.
1. A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend. A successful woman is one who can find such a man…Lana Turner
2. Never go to a doctor whose office plants have died…Erma Bombeck
3. If a man could live forever, he would still be a fish. Why would he evolve?.. He could always do it later…Aki Soga
4. There are only two things necessary for salvation. Money and Gunpowder…George Bernard Shaw
5. We all pay for life with death, so everything in between should be free…Bill Hicks
6. I have a simple philosophy. Fill what’s empty. Empty what’s full. And scratch where it itches…Alice Roosevelt Longworth
7. A husband is living proof that a wife can take a joke…Hussein Nishah
8. Happiness is having a large, loving, caring, close-knit family in another city…George Burns
9. People say dreams can come true, but they don’t tell you nightmares can too…Silvestre Lopez
10. I don’t like to commit myself to heaven and hell... You see, I have friends in both places…Mark Twain
11. Married men live longer than single men. But married men are a lot more willing to die…Johnny Carson
12. What is a committee?... A group of the unwilling, picked from the unfit, to do the unnecessary…Mark Twain
13. To be stupid and selfish and to have good health are the three requirements for happiness, though if stupidity is lacking, the others are useless…Gustave Flaubert
14. Never pass up the opportunity to have sex or appear on television…Gore Vidal
15. Most people are only alive because it is illegal to shoot them…Andrew J. Smith
16. Everybody knows how to raise children, except the people who have them… O’Rourke
17. The male is a domestic animal that, if treated with firmness and kindness, can be trained to do most things…Jilly Cooper
18. A pessimist is someone who looks at the land of milk and honey and sees only calories and cholesterol…Dylan Wimberley
19. People will believe anything if you whisper it to them…Louis Nizer
20. Bachelors know more about women than married men; if they didn’t they’d be married too… L. Mencken
21. God made woman beautiful and foolish; beautiful, that man might love her; and foolish, that she might love him…William Shakespeare
22. Go to Heaven for the climate, Hell for the company…Mark Twain
23. Hollywood is a place where they’ll pay you a thousand dollars for a kiss and fifty cents for your soul…Marilyn Monroe
24. People say that money is not the key to happiness, but I always figured if you have enough money, you can have a key made…Joan Rivers
25. Noise proves nothing. Often a hen who has merely laid an egg cackle as if she laid an asteroid…Mark Twain
26. I don’t think inside the box, I don’t think outside the box, I don’t even know where the box is!…Scott Douglas Chase
27. True love is like ghosts, which everybody talks about and few have seen…Francois De La Rochefoucauld
28. I never drink water because of the disgusting things that fish do in it… C. Fields
29. Life is a tragedy when seen in close-up, but a comedy in long-shot…Charlie Chaplin
30. 24 hours in a day, 24 beers in a case. Coincidence?…Stephen Wright
Conclusion
Lighten up your face with these amusing quotes - you will discover chuckle, wit, and a bit of wisdom in these. The amusing quotes have funny quotations expressed by some notable people and others. These quotes challenge you to think in a humorous way! So, if you need some humorous change, take a sneak peek at the TOP 30 AMUSING QUOTES.
